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  • Writer's pictureLalita Dileep

Shifting Modalities of Being a Women

Perspectives changes through the decades

Peeling oneself like an onion

Celebrations of Women’s day, made me reminisce about my own evolution as a women through the many decades of my Life. How I transitioned from my own innocent childhood, to clueless teenage then my passionate years as a journalist discovering myself. All too soon I found myself a married women caught up in the domesticity of a family, extended relationships, running a household, managing the jugglery of so called adulthood.

Hidden in that timeline are the many nuances of my transformation. How I stumbled, fumbled, thought I figured it out, scrambled, and then righted myself all the while adding layers to my personality. I pivoted from a single entity to being one half of a couple, learning to fit myself into those rules of engagement. Seeking joy, fulfillment while creating a unity that was all new and whole. Then came motherhood that opened a Pandora’s Box of unknowns. It was both exhilarating and frightening and as a mother I felt I was transformed forever. To this day, this role defines me as none other.

Appearances – Internal & External

As milestones transpired and the demands on my time increased, I lost myself in a blur of being organized, orchestrating the family needs and trying to keep afloat in my career and external pulls and demands. Along the way, I constructed a gossamer strong network of friends and community that kept me sane, grounded with whom I could laugh and engage in fun. As in my childhood, I still loved to read, aced the ability to host parties, especially during festivals, crafted a style to dress in vivid hues and was house proud beyond belief. All this define me and I unbeknownst to me I was building a legacy.

Several decades around the sun and now the children are grown and have attained adulthood. Each of them are off building their own lives and heritage as we watch in awe and wonder. These pieces of our heart that have set root and are busy reaching for the sky.

Meanwhile, our lives have turned a corner. Having faced some severe challenges, I seem to have come full circle, questioning so much of what I have lived by. Has Life come to a screeching halt? Not really. Instead it has arisen somewhat like the Phoenix, in an amended form, more mellow and altered. Seeking into my inner depths, I have found strength I did not know existed. In recent years, I have evolved in distinct ways, whether for better or worse, I do not have the perspective to view right now. As I cast about, I see myself gathering a mottled sheath, myriad in its possibilities, divergent in its variety and completely variant in its nature.

As I engage and examine myself, I see that there is so much more to accomplish. My goal is to understand myself, smooth out the edges, unravel the skeins that tangled with the harried business of living. Live more in the moment, at peace, dissipating in the luxury of aligned action. Spend time in reflection as the inward and outward merge seamlessly. There is a wonder women within me waiting to emerge.

Does my story resonate with my readers? Do you have an inspiring story to share ?

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