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  • Writer's pictureLalita Dileep

Emotional Security – Being seen, heard and understood

Being your true self every day, all day

Holding Back

Reacting rather than responding. Unable to get a grip on emotions, steer thoughts in a positive direction or maintain emotional equilibrium. These are the stumbling blocks strewn all around. If one’s life goal is to collaborate, dream big, share bold ideas, express freely, demonstrate compassion and achieve the unusual - emotional security can pull it all together.

In the present, frenetic world of mass shootings, violence, economic turbulence and pandemic uncertainty where physical wellbeing is threatened constantly to pause and speak to emotional security seems surreal. Yet it might hold the key. Emotional security is a measure of the stability of an individual’s emotive state. Emotionally secure people are empowered, confident and comfortable in their own skin and can therefore walk the world with authenticity and conviction. Seeing how closely related mental health is to emotional security, individuals so blessed can safely navigate conflict and face the external stresses of the world with equanimity.

Basic building block

It is a mistake to seek emotional security somewhere “out there”. It is when we let go of our fear of failure, rejection, loss and heartache that we can get ahead and make the most of our lives. One of the most noticeable traits of the emotional secure is the ability to articulate and think through responses before arriving at a conclusion. This coupled with an ability to set boundaries and say “no” when it is appropriate means rarely being overwhelmed. Feeling comfortable, setting boundaries and defining spaces – are all the hallmarks of the truly emotionally secure.

Rather than being erratic, they are consistent in their interactions and dependable to friends and family around them. Transparent in their sense of being, they wear their nature as a badge of honor and what you see is what you get. At the same time they are flexible and when meaningful relationships call for it, they are open to change and view it as personal growth. Being around emotional secure folks is akin to soaking in a tall, elixir drink, full of vitamins adding a boost of vitality.

Why their numbers should grow

No one is born with emotional security, it is not an inherited gene. It is a cultivated characteristic, a rite of passage consciously acquired. Consciously committing to have meaningful relationships and strong connections while preserving their own self-identity – are some of the tools to adopt. Approaching conflict as a team and always giving the partners, friends and colleagues the benefit of doubt is a mainstay of developing emotional security. It is only the mature and stable who can intentionally walk this path, but it is a happy place to be in. You don’t need constant reassurance from others, association dynamics change dramatically, co-dependency decline and stable, healthy relationship builds and sustains.

I stumbled upon this concept in my readings and was instantly mesmerized. Broadly speaking I found six tools to building emotional security, which I want to share with my readers. Begin by not disregarding yourself and your needs, so that remains factored in the situation. This is followed by respecting boundaries and consent to the other person in the relationship. It is also important to pay attention to nonverbal communication – reading the room is a developed skill. Being an active listener is key to developing emotional security, followed by practicing transparency. Giving your partner benefit of doubt as well as fostering accountability and following through are all ways to foster emotional security.

I am excited to explore and discover for myself how I grow as a person and thrive with respect to relationships around me. Join me in this journey as we work towards mental equilibrium and constructing emotional security – which will go a long way in building a balanced humanity.

We are stronger together


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